Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
