Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
