I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
