my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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