you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
foreskin is a definite game changer
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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