I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
