Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
