i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
