But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize