Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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