Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
