You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
