Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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