two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
