living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
They are going to name an STD after you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
