So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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