so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Enjoy the penises
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
