note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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