I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
