New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
