I'm drive I can fine osifer
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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