i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
