I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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