I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
