Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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