but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
