Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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