They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
