When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I need moral support for this bender
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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