is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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