____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
