TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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