I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
