I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
