So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i think i have two assholes
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
