fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
