dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
