Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
