don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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