Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
