So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
