found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
