She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
