Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
