I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
