Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize