New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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