It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
