I seem to have left my pride at pride
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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