I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
