I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
