ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
