You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize