I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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