she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
