I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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