I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I love you. Go after that dick
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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