hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
