for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
