i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
