it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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