We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
