xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize