her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
