i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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