can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
