If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
