I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize