I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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