I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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