In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
