we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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