Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
