Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
