Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
