hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
