In the future we'll all be gay
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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