Buhtt sex?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
