Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
