Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
