remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
