Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
