Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize