there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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