3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
