i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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