I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
