I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
