Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
