the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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