so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have grass duct taped all over my body
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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