just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
