he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
