You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
