I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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