dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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