pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
