Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
