TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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