My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Verdict: uncircumcised.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
