I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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