Where is the hickey?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
